Tiny Little Optometrists

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There really is a TV special called "The Great Sperm Race," I watched most of it this one time. And it really was just a shitload of people in little white track suits running and running and going on awesome-looking waterslides. Oh, and getting brutally murdered by vaginas. Or something to that effect.

This is loosely based on a conversation I had with my brother as we were watching. It was in reality much longer and the joke died long before we stopped talking about it. There were ruminations of tiny little sheep, sheared by rancher sperm to produce wool for the tiny little sperm clothes.

That's about all I have to say about that one. There's another comic I want to write about "The Great Sperm Race" but I'm still working on it, and it's not being easy to write. It's a hard nut to crack. (That one hurt.)

Comme un Hippopotame

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So this one was almost censored. Being that this situation had gone down 100% exactly as it's portrayed here, I figured I'd run the script past her first to see if she thought it was funny. She didn't want me to draw it. I eventually convinced her it was too funny to pass up. I still think it is, I don't know if anyone else will though.

Also, I'm really not satisfied with how wide her head ended up. A lot of my characters have wide heads, but not Steph. I mean, I could change it, but it wasn't until it was up here and I looked at it again that I thought it looked out of place. The first panel is fine because it accommodates the big yawn mouth, otherwise though... I dunno. I'm really happy that I finally came up with a strip in which I had the opportunity to draw the characters with bedhead. Little things like that make me happy :)

Printer Jam

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Hey. So I'm sorry. It's crappy. It's just something I thought up at work. Come to think of it, this is probably a Spare! comic that I never drew.

The drawing is pretty assy too, but it only took half an hour to do! That's all the more time I could be spending with Mass Effect 2. Which begs the question of why I'm writing up a crappy news post to go with this crappy comic when I could be... Yeah. Screw this.

Yogi's Barefaced Lie

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Happy to say that I did not have any Flash issues this week. (Of course, this comic has much less detail.) Just time issues. Had to do this strip over the course of three nights, because I've been Super Busy again. Thankfully, it was just a "this week" thing.

Um, this one. I dunno. It's funny. It's pretty much something I would do. Not proud of it, but it wouldn't surprise me if I did something along those lines. And that's why I don't go to yoga class.

The ogling girls part, I mean. Not the lying. I don't lie to her. Usually.

Hooray for Crossbreeding

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Well, I think this one makes up for last week's lack of... well, anything.

I really like this comic, and maybe it's because I haven't done one for two weeks now, but I was really pumped to draw it. Only thing is, I got cut short by Flash. See, this would have been so much better, but as I drew more and more, Flash got slower and slower, to the point where I'd be waiting several seconds for the thing to go again after selecting a new colour. I believe I've described this situation at least a couple times before, but never has it impeded my drawing quite so much. Here's a rundown of what would have been different if I'd been able to work properly:

1. The rocket ship portrait above the couch. I consider this the biggest loss. Should have cut+pasted it in anyway.

2. Edwin's macaroni cat picture was supposed to have glitter sparkles on it. You can see the bowl of glitter on the table in panel one, small as it may be. I'm not sure how well it would have turned out, but I wish I'd been able to try.

3. The liger's fur would be much more detailed. You know, lightened in places and with better stripes.

4. A plant or something beside the couch. Not a huge loss.

5. some kind of background element for panel one. This is probably for the best. It likely would have just ended up looking cluttered.

Point in case, for detailed projects, Flash kind of sucks. Or at least the version I have does. I really should get around to learning how to use Photoshop properly.

Cake City

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Well, I want to say this is a true story, but it's more like one of those "based on actual events" deals. I was actually just stuffing a burrito in my mouth, and Stephanie told me that watching it happen made her think about me trampling and scarfing down a town made of cakes. I guess maybe I could work on eating less monstrously?

Anyway, I have nothing else to say. Apparently the site layout will change soon though. Did I say something to that effect lately? I can't remember.

Champions of the Universe

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I really have no idea where this came from. The very first inception of what was going on here was to have Edwin tell Ryan that he needed to come up with a script this week and then Ryan was riding a lion with a huge sword in hand, and I had no idea what the third panel would be. And then Santa was riding the lion. And then it was in space. And then Santa was riding a rocket with a lion's head (which is alive). And then Santa was an action hero with a mechanical hand and an Indiana Jones hat. And then he had an little demon duck as a sidekick.

All these changes happened as I was drawing it.

I drew the second panel first, having no idea what the Hell I was going to for the first and third panel. The first was easy enough, just a far-off shot of Rocket Santa flying towards the comic, small enough that you can't really tell what it is. The third panel was another thing that just sort of came to be as I was drawing it. I knew Santa would be blasting the shit out of something, and at first it was a space golem, and then Unicron, and then an evil Earth for some reason.

And that, my friends, is what happens when you let my imagination run free.

Apathy

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I'm sure the slogan could have worked out a little more... sensibly, I guess? I dunno. You know what we were going for. Get over it. Bah. Making a fake Olympic Rings symbol thing was a lot harder than you might think, too. But I think I pulled it off pretty well. You can all tell it's a ripoff of the Olympic Rings, right?

Um. Check out that sweet couch action. I'll probably be using that same couch over and over until either it's destroyed (as a plot device, of course) or we stop doing this stupid comic. It really is the definitive image of Ryan's couch. I really don't have anything else to talk about.

In other news, Edwin was saying something about actually redoing the backend of the site the other day. You'll probably never notice, but it'll be much more convenient for these news posts. And maybe other things too!

Merry Christmas 2009

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Hey all! It's Christmas time! Or Festivus, or Chanukkah, or whatever it is you celebrate. It's all good as long as you're spending time with your loved ones and gorging on roast beast. I just celebrate Christmas is all, so deal!

This "filler" is actually more or less true. My girlfriend put all my presents in identical boxes so that I couldn't tell what's what, so I was shaking them to see if I could tell what they were, like kids do to see which ones are LEGO. The big differences are that they weren't under the tree, and she stood and watched me do it, quite unimpressed.

Anyway, Merry Holiday-type season! We wish you the best regardless of what you celebrate! (But it is Christmas Eve, so take that for whatever it means to you.)

Coozy For Hire Presents: New Moon (in Six Panels)

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I'll admit that I did fudge the ending a bit (it's told more in body language than actual dialogue), but this is essentially what you'll get if you decide to see the movie. It may seem a little simplified, but it's really not too far off. I don't think I've ever facepalmed quite as many times in a movie. Well, except for Twilight, but that should go without saying.

You also may feel that the werewolves were a little more central to the story, but really they weren't. They were filler at worst, and deus ex machina at best. They were admittedly the most entertaining part of the movie, but they were also the least necessary.

Um, yeah. Other than the fact that our main stars cannot act, there really isn't anything else to add here. The entire movie is basically just two hours of whining. Fun stuff.

Penguin Suit

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Sigh... I guess I just can't think of funny things that could happen to video game characters.

I had no script this week, and lately I've been reading Brawl in the Family and, well, you know how I get when I like something.

If you don't know how I get when I like something, the answer is that I copy the fuck out of it. This time, I don't think I did a very good job.

Whatever. I wanted to draw a comic about New Super Mario Bros Wii because everyone else is doing it. So ha. Bah I can't write anything today.

Sticky Fingers

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It's funny, I drew the first panel on Tuesday night, and at that point, I felt totally overwhelmed by the rest of the comic. I put it down for the night, and decided I'd use the next night to tackle it.

Last night I picked it up again and set to work. I don't know, I must be on a roll or something, because I'm really pleased with the result. Monkey in panel two looks a little bit off, but he's perfect in three and four, and our human characters are looking pretty good too! I actually don't have any big complaints about my drawing here! Yeah. The poster is kind of distracting, but it's necessary, or else you'd be wondering like "Why is Edwin holding a monkey? How did that ever happen?"

Anyhoo, this comic makes me very happy, and I need that. Because I'm sick you see. *cough cough* The fact that I'm so awesome has really brightened up my day.

I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that it isn't, but I'm really hoping this is only the second comic we've run about poop.

The Ten Second Tidy

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I've been reading through the archive with Stephanie lately (it's been a year and a half and only now we're getting to it...), and at one point she remarked how she thought it was cute that my little news posts and comic commentary are sort of like a journal, in how you can tell my mood and by what I've written (when it's not said outright). I think of that every time I write one of these news posts now, and I really sort of feel like I should be starting each one off with a little "Dear Diary...".

But seriously, Bobby is soooo hot. I wish he would just ask me out already.

Anyway, comics. Or, a comic. Sadly, I did not post two comics today. That would be one helluva week though! Aaaand I'm derailed again. Let's give it one more shot.

I really wanted to do an awesome job on this one. I was looking at that toothpaste comic we ran a while ago, and was thinking I want to do a really great job like I did on that one. And things were going really well until I drew the characters into panel one. I'm perfectly happy with the backgrounds; they aren't really full, but there's sufficient detail in what is there. I even completely redrew the couch, which I usually just reuse from old strips (note that the space picture is still the same as it was in its first appearance). It's just the characters that bug me. They're not awful, but something just looks really amateurish about them. Maybe I'm just being too picky today.

A Meaningful Callback

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Not my best work... To be fair though, my internet connection had been murdered by a power outage earlier today, and only at around 11PM did anyone try hard enough to restore it. So it was kind of a rush job.

Quite frankly though, if I had known I was going to have to write my own comic this week, I would have started a lot earlier.

Yeah. Had to do this one flying by the seat of my pants. It's not a true story by any means, but I recieved an e-mail from Edwin this morning about some kind of freaky (yet undeniably awesome) tablet/laptop hybrid. I really want to buy it, but am not sure I'm really in the market. If it was a necessity, I'd go for it, but as it stands, it would just give me the ability to work on comics on the go. $400-ish dollars for an item bought purely for the sake of convenience is a bit high for me.

Anyway, the base idea for this comic came to me at some point during the day, and I kinda let it simmer all evening until I knew for sure there was no script in the vault, at which point I made it a little flowier and drew it up quick. All I can tell you is that I wanted to bring back Comic Edwin's literal lust for laptops. After that, I can't really remember how this idea came to be. And if you don't get what this strip is referring to, click here, and then maybe even read the strip that came before that one. But you really should know all that stuff. You've had a lot of time to go through the entire archive.

Character Filler #04

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Hey guys! Guess what game I'm playing!

Also I have no script this week, and was unable to come up with an actual comic idea. I tried, really I did. But it didn't happen. Boo hoo.

And just as some neat trivia: Stephanie is now the only person to ever see me actually draw a filler via tablet. Many people have seen me draw fillers on paper which was subsequently scanned, but she's the only one to see the real magic happen. That's... so boring to anyone but me.